Taking time to nurture my marriage.
This is what I had not been doing.
For the past several weeks, I had been getting lost in the hustle of everyday life. And unfortunately, when things get busy, I tend to neglect my relationship with Ben. I get so focused on taking care of everything and everyone, that I just don’t spend that quality time with Ben that I need to. I spend time around Ben, but not really with him. I busy myself working, cooking, and chasing a two-year old, and Ben usually gets the leftovers.
So for the past couple of weeks, this is what was happening. We had both been busy with work, meetings, practices, and the like, and we had very little quality time with each other. Even our weekends had seemed to slip away from us. I was frustrated and my temper was short. When we’ve not made time for each other, I feel like I lose patience with him and I nitpick everything he does.
Last Sunday, bless his heart, I was a total grouch towards him. In fact, I really felt like the past couple of weeks I had just been down right mean to him for no reason. I felt pretty guilty. So I waited until Ben left to go work with my brother, and I wrote him a letter. I don’t know why I decided to write him a letter. I haven’t wrote him an actual letter in years. But I wanted to apologize to him for my bad attitude, and I thought an apology letter would be something nice and sweet. So while PB was napping, I wrote away. And this is what the first paragraph said:
Dear Ben,
I am sorry. I am sorry for being so short with you and having no patience with you. I’ve been so quick to judge you the past couple of weeks, and I’ve had no compassion towards you. I am sorry.
So. After I wrote the letter, I sat at my kitchen table and prayed. I prayed specifically for patience with Ben. I prayed that God would help me have more compassion towards Ben and that I wouldn’t be so quick to judge him. I also prayed that we would make more quality time to spend with each other. And I ended that prayer, asking one more time, for more patience with Ben (you know, in case God didn’t hear me the first time).
A little while later, Ben came home and I gave him the letter. I told him I was sorry for being a grouch lately, and I was sorry I had such little patience with him.
Three hours later, this happened:
My car was totaled. Totally totaled. Praise the sweet Lord, no one was in the car when it happened and no one was hurt.
Just three hours after I wrote that apology letter, and prayed that prayer (you know, the one where I prayed for all of that patience with Ben), Ben took PB out to my parents house to get some water. He drove his car (which was my old, dearly beloved car from high school) out there and parked in their driveway. He left the car running because he wasn’t going to be in there long. Just 5 minutes after he left, I got a frantic phone call from him, asking me where his car was. I told him I had no idea, I had just gotten out of the shower. He said that somebody must have stolen it because it was gone from the driveway.
As soon as he said that, I knew what happened. My parents live on a hill. Right after we hung up, my mom called back and said that they found my car. At the bottom of their hill. Stuck in a guardrail. Totaled.
Yep. Totaled. Frame bent, radiator busted, airbags deployed, motor busted up. Probably over $5,000 damage to a car that’s worth about $4,000.
While Ben and PB had been in my parent’s house, the car had rolled backwards off of their driveway, turned around halfway down the road, drove through the hayfield, jumped the bank, and landed in a guardrail about 30 yards from the highway. The car had traveled over 100 yards down a hill. When we found it, the parking brake was pulled, but the car was in neutral.
Yep. Neutral.
Ben says he put it in park, and he very well may have. The car was old, and had been acting up lately. It could have came out of gear. The car stayed in place from the time they got out until they got in my parents house, so this could have well been the case.
But at any rate, we don’t know what happened.
All I know is that I had been a grouch lately, so I prayed for patience with my husband and quality time with him. Three hours later, he drove my car off of a cliff and totaled it. We have one car now, so we’ve been riding to work together everyday (an extra 45 minutes of quality time a day).
I laugh as I type this:
Be ready to receive what you ask for in prayer. It may not be answered how we want it answered, but it’s answered in a way that humbles us and gives Him the glory.
I got what I asked for: more time with Ben, and a situation where I can do nothing but practice patience with my husband.
Have a blessed Sunday, y’all 🙂
