My oldest baby (the one I that led me to the creation of my original blog SO long ago) is seven now. SEVEN, ya’ll! And since that time, we’ve added another, and are *hoping* to adopt one more. If I had to characterize life for the last seven years, I would say its been blissful, chaotic, precious, hard, and so rewarding. I don’t really remember much about myself before I was ‘mom’. I love this job and find myself SO thankful for the blessing it is to have the privilege of this role.
But a couple of years ago, I was packing for a beach trip and went into my dreaded drawer of swimsuits. I tried on at least 5 of my old ones and was completely grossed out each time that I tried one on. I took a good long stare at myself in the mirror and realized I hardly recognized the girl that looked back. She was sleep deprived, her hair was greasy, her body looked like a deflated inter-tube that had been blown way out of proportion and then shriveled back down to some insane semi-resemblance of normal. I didn’t do much for myself, and didn’t take very good care of myself and I’m not saying that to brag on myself at all. In fact, it was stupid.
One of my BIGGEST struggles as I transitioned into motherhood was dealing with ridiculous amounts of guilt. I felt guilty for being a working mom, I felt guilty for staying home, I felt guilty for spending any time whatsoever by myself. I felt guilty for practically everything I did, and it was driving me insane. I had this idea in my mind that in order to be a “good” mom, I shouldn’t leave my kids, or do anything for myself. Every bit of what I did HAD to be for or about them.
I don’t know where we get that notion from, but I find that there are lots of other women out there that can totally relate to this. I think social media is partly to blame. We see a post of another mom saying she’s never left her kids overnight. Or we see someone else say they only homeschool their children. This one doesn’t feed hers sugar, or this one doesn’t go anywhere without hers. And then we pull out our big ole’ ugly comparison stick and measure our worth based on what works for someone else.
We’re driving ourselves crazy, ya’ll.
When I saw that girl in the mirror, I didn’t like the way she was looking back at me. She looked stressed, overwhelmed, and unkept. She looked like she had been trying too hard to keep up with what she “thought” a mom should do.
I can’t recall exactly when it starting changing, but over the course of the next couple of years, I started letting that go. YOU HAVE TO TAKE CARE OF YOURSELF FIRST. Read that again. I said it. Seven years ago, I didn’t feel that way. Now, I do. Taking care of myself means I can take care of the people around me. And taking care of yourself means different things for different people. For some of us, its physical care. For others, its mental. But, it has to be done. As mommas, we can’t pour from an empty cup. Depleting yourself EVERY DAY of all of yourself for the sake of others isn’t healthy, and I see that now. There’s no award for the “mom who did every single thing only for her kids”. In fact, there are no parenting awards, period.
I’m preaching to myself a little still, but its okay to take care of yourself. It’s okay to spend a few minutes alone. It’s okay to do something that makes you feel good. I know when I’ve ‘filled my cup’, I feel SO much more prepared and ready to pour into others.
Finding a balance and being comfortable with who you are as a mom is SO important. What works for you may not work for me, and I’m okay with that now. I’m doing this job for my kids, and I need to do what is best for them, and me.
Give yo’ momma a hug today! OR hug yo’self mommas!
