Lessons from the ICU.

On Monday, July 23, I woke up to a sick baby. He had a tummy ache, diarrhea, and generally didn’t feel well. I assumed he had a stomach bug, and prepared to spend the next 24 hours soaking up those sick baby cuddles, after which, I assumed, he would bounce back to normal.

What I didn’t know was that this day would be the start of month-long nightmare that would completely change our lives, and our perspective, for the better.

After two back-to-back days at the doctor’s office getting IV fluids, we were instructed to head to the local children’s hospital, as he continued to decline. Thinking we would be going for only a day or so, we packed light, and told our big kids we’d be home the next day.

And by the sweet grace of God, we did come home – 21 days later.

West contracted the E.coli bacteria, which then developed into HUS, or Hemolytic uremic syndrome. HUS causes anemia, kidney failure, and low platelets, all of which West experienced. Once we made it to the local hospital, it was clear to the doctors that he was headed in the wrong direction, and they did not have the ability to render the life-saving treatment that he would need. So, the decision was made to fly him to UVA’s Children’s Hospital.

I can recall in those moments before he boarded the helicopter feeling like we were in the middle of a bad dream. It didn’t seem real, nor did we fully comprehend how serious he was. Ben and I could not fit on the helicopter, so we drove up as soon as he took off. It was a 4 1/2 hour car ride and I don’t remember a single bit of it.

They put West in the Pediatric ICU when he arrived, and we would spend a total of 12 days there, as he battled renal failure, and complications that arose from it. He had surgery to place a catheter which would be used for dialysis. He would have peritoneal dialysis for almost 2 weeks, which would serve as an ‘artificial kidney’ while his own kidneys attempted to recover. He would also develop two infections in his peritoneal fluid, which would require heavy antibiotics and prolong our stay. He wound up having two surgeries, two blood transfusions, and a platelet transfusion.

And we wound up walking out of that hospital with a healing baby and a completely changed perspective on life.

It was a complete roller coaster, with my emotions hitting the highest highs and the lowest lows, but I had a lot of time to think, and came home with lessons learned from those days I will not forget.

One of biggest lessons I learned over the course of our time there is that we are blessed. You are blessed. Your problems aren’t problems unless you THINK they are problems. Most of the junk we put ourselves through – the pity we wallow in, the feeling sorry for ourselves we do, the coveting what others have – all of that is a matter of your perspective. You can choose to see your circumstances as a problem OR you can choose to see it as an opportunity. I tried my best to do the latter. Most days, that was hard for me. I wanted to punch a hole through the sheet rock because I hated to see him go through this, knowing he’d been through SO much before. But then I would look down the hall and see kids on that hospital floor that likely won’t ever leave and that put me in my place real quick. I see now that God used this circumstance to do SO much. We’ve been blessed to see some of His glorious works from this situation already. And we may not ever see the rest this side of heaven, but I know He’s used it for His glory and I hope we’ve been obedient in His plan.

We were also shell-shocked to see just how much we take for granted. I spent most of my nights up there thinking, DREAMING, of what we would be doing if we were at home. Eating dinner together, sitting on the porch, watching the kids play, enjoy the sounds and smells of home. Washing my dishes, going to the grocery store, driving my car on familiar roads, seeing my family and neighbors. Normalcy.

Instead, I spent my time washing my underwear in the sink, eating in the cafeteria by myself, sleeping in the floor on a physical therapy mat, living out of my book bag, PRAYING FOR THE NORMALCY I TOOK FOR GRANTED.

Every single day you are alive, it’s a gift. If you are tucking your kids into their own beds tonight, you are far more blessed than you realize. Dishes to wash, mouths to feed, familiar faces to love – it’s all a gift. I’m disappointed in myself that it took THIS to show me how truly, truly blessed that I am.

And lastly, we’ve seen and felt prayer more in the last month in ways we’ve never experienced it before. Not only does the Lord hear our prayers, I see now that He uses incredible people in our lives to cover us in prayer, when He knows we are weak. There were MANY nights that I could not muster the words to pray. Yet, I literally FELT prayers going up on our behalf. I am so thankful for the hope that we have in Jesus. That the Creator of the Universe hears ME and He sent His son to live and die for us, so that we would have hope in a fallen, desperate world. I can’t imagine walking through a nightmare like this without Jesus holding my hand.

We are so, so thankful for answered prayers and a little boy who is continuing to heal and improve. We are thankful for God’s mercy on West’s life, and so thankful for a ‘second chance’ to appreciate everything we’ve taken for granted.

He is good. And we are grateful.