Ben plays in a recreational basketball league.
The games are in the afternoons after work, and I usually don’t mind if he plays. He just gets home a little later and we adjust our routine a little.
But last night, I cared.
And I did what any crazy woman would do.
I lied and told him it was fine.
And here’s the deal. It wasn’t fine with me, dangit. I had a butt load of lesson plans to write. I wasn’t feeling very good. And the house still hasn’t recuperated from PB’s sickness. So I called Ben after work and the conversation went a little something like this:
“Hey”.
“Hey”.
“What time will you be home?”
“Well I’m playing ball this afternoon, so I’ll be home a little later”.
“What? I didn’t know you were playing ball tonight. You didn’t tell me this morning”.
“Yes I did. You said that was fine”.
“Well……(insert a realllllly long sigh here)……. I’m going to need you to hurry home because I’ve got a ton of stuff to do tonight. I’ve got observations and everything tomorrow. I’m still going to have to cook supper, too. I don’t feel good, either. And, my pets’ heads are falling off (okay, I didn’t say that, but it seems like a natural progression). So, you’ll need to hurry up so I can have some help”.
“Okay, that’s fine. I’ll be home as soon as I can”.
Let’s stop here for a second. Look at the second to last paragraph. Can you tell that I’m basically screaming in, ALL CAPS, THAT IF BEN KNOWS WHAT’S GOOD FOR HIM, HE’LL KEEP HIS BUTT AT HOME TONIGHT? Because, actually, that’s what I’m saying to him.
But somehow, this is what he heard, “Okay, sweetie, have fun at your game tonight. I hope you play good. Hurry home so I can give you a big kiss!”
Instead of coming straight out with what I want or don’t want, I like to leave it up to interpretation. The problem is, a man never interprets it the way I intend for it to be interpreted. In this case, I’m telling Ben not to go to the stinkin’ ballgame in the most ‘please feel sorry for me’ kind of way. I’m doing this because I’m a woman and what I say is never really what I mean.
Can I get even a little amen?
Oh, I’m so bad for this when it comes to my marriage. I’m the queen of mind games. And now I’ve met my match.
So when I say, “Sure, go to your ballgame, but please hurry home because I have so much to do”, I really mean “Don’t you dare go to your ballgame, you terd”.
And this is what Ben hears, “Why yes, sweetie! Please have a wonderful time! I hope you score a bunch of points and have a marvelous time bonding with your male companions.”
I’m a woman and I never say what I really mean.
Amen.
Am I alone? Anyone else out there guilty of the interpretive speaking? Anybody else’s husband have hearing similar to Ben’s?
Have a blessed Wednesday 🙂
